“It’s been very different since she left and I keep thinking I’ll get used to it. It’s been 6 months and some days, it’ll feel like that. But other days, it’ll feel like it’s been 6 years. It’s just crushing…
When I think about it, I’m like… I’ve got to do something, I can’t just wallow. And I give myself those pep talks and then I decide, I don’t care today. I’m going to wallow.”
When we bring a pet into our lives, it can take some time and patience to iron out all the details.
We’re learning all there is to know about our new companion–their personality and preferences–while also creating a new routine as we blend our lives together.
And while that might seem tricky, there’s a transition that often feels more difficult… The one we go through when they’re gone.
When Ashley Hampton–licensed psychologist, animal lover, avid traveler, and fishing enthusiast–lost her soul cat, Gemma, nothing could have prepared her for what life would feel like in her absence.
And though her physical presence is gone, the impact she made in Ashley’s life is still very much alive.
Logic told her Gemma was a “bad” idea
“I was like, ‘I don’t want to see the cats. I don’t need this in my life.’ I was renting a house and had no idea if I could even have an animal. I was splitting my time between three towns and was never home.
I told him, ‘This is a terrible idea.’ and he was like, ‘No, it’s the best idea ever.’”
Ashley found herself in the presence of five kittens born to an outdoor cat who lived on her then boyfriend’s mom’s property.
When she arrived, four ran and hid. One walked out of the garage, sat down at her feet, looked up, and meowed.
Gemma chose her.
And even though she felt an immense feeling of love in that moment, she was also concerned.
Throughout childhood, her mom didn’t love cats so they were never around. And as an adult, her only experience with cats were the ones who belonged to a college boyfriend.
She spent time with them and cared for them when he was gone, but this would be her own cat.
With some gentle peer pressure, a couple day’s worth of food, and a cardboard box filled with litter, Ashley had everything she needed to get Gemma home and settled while she went to the store to properly prepare.
As they drove away, this innocent kitten curled up on her chest and slept the whole 50-minute drive.
And in that moment, Ashley knew everything was going to be okay.
Their new life looked like two peas in a pod
“She would be the sweetest thing and curl up and go to sleep and purr… and then in a second she was climbing up the back of my leg using her claws to get to me because I was trying to fix my lunch to go to work and I wasn't paying attention to her.”
Even though having a pet at home was a new and unexpected experience, Ashley remembers the transition didn’t actually feel that strange. It was just different–Now there were two of them.
And from that point on, they would be doing everything together.
Gemma was harness and leash trained and they often went on trips together.
If she wanted some solo exploration time, she’d simply walk up to the garage door and meow, letting Ashley know she was craving some mischievous time alone.
Together, they traveled across the country on multiple occasions, moving into new homes and continuing life together when it sometimes seemed like they were the only constant.
“When we lived in Raleigh, she loved when we got to Atlanta because she would put her little paws on the door frame and watch the big trucks. She slept until we got to Atlanta and somehow she knew we were there. I guess she could hear it.
And then as soon as we got through Atlanta, she would go back to sleep.”
At one point, she moved into the house on her dad’s property while he resided in the full apartment downstairs.
Gemma quickly became her dad’s best friend too, and Ashley often caught them laying downstairs together watching the birds out the window.
For a family who grew up having a dog and “not liking cats,” Gemma sure had a way of stealing everyone’s heart.
The bond that made Gemma so special
“She preferred it to just be me and her, and that's that's the way it ended. I think that was probably the perfect way for it to be at the end. Just us. It’s like she was monopolizing my time and I was monopolizing hers… Just like how it started.”
It was 2012 when Gemma came into Ashley’s life and while the internet was very much a thing, it looked a lot different than it does now.
The abundance of pet parents sharing their own experiences to the masses didn’t really exist. And while there were resources out there on how to care for pets, the personal side of it felt like something you’d figure out on your own.
At the time, everyone in Ashley’s life, except her then boyfriend, had dogs. So when it came to interacting with Gemma, she approached it in somewhat the same way.
Dogs are typically very quick to love. They want to please their human and be by their side. Cats, on the other hand, can be very elusive or selective. Ashley didn’t realize that at first.
The whole basket of toys she got for Gemma were largely ignored, minus the favorites.
TV time wouldn’t always be snuggle time, unless Gemma wanted to.
The boxes that always seemed to be around from the moves weren’t appealing to Gemma. They annoyed her.
With time, Ashley noticed she was really starting to understand what it was that Gemma loved, and didn’t, and was able to accommodate… Even if it was something she wished she could do.
That meant resisting the urge to put Gemma in the holiday outfits she hated so much…
And after making it quite clear she would not tolerate another cat in the house when Ashley tried fostering, that meant respecting Gemma’s preference there too.
Over time, this is how Ashley built trust with her sweet cat. Through her actions, she proved to Gemma that she was in a safe place where she could truly be herself.
(That even meant scheming with the dog they briefly co-habitated with to help him get things off the counter.)
Gemma’s perfectly sweet and spiced personality made her easy to love, and Ashley made sure that affection was always there during the most trying of times.
When your soul pet is suddenly gone
“I went out to get her and she wouldn’t get up. It was weird, but I figured she was just focused on a mouse… So I picked her up, brought her inside, and sat her down. That’s when I noticed she was kind of wobbly… By the time we got to the living room, she was dragging her back legs.”
They say cats have 9 lives and for a while, it seemed like Gemma was doing a great job of avoiding what all the vets said was coming.
When she was 7, she ended up with cancer. After a couple surgeries, she was given about a year to live.
Not long after, she started having thyroid issues and the vet overdosed her medicine, which sent her straight to the ER. Multiple specialist visits and two more ER trips later, she was finally okay after about a year.
Even though Gemma always seemed to pull through, when Ashley saw her go from normal to dragging her legs within a matter of minutes, she knew it was serious.
Turns out, Gemma was experiencing saddle thrombosis, and Ashley caught her right as it happened.
She called the vet, rushed her there, and in a matter of an hour, her sweet Gemma was gone.
“It was so fast. You don’t normally go from happy and chasing mice to then, nothing. It was all very strange…
This was someone I was caring for 24/7 and then she was just gone… It’s a loss you know you’ll have every day, and it’s a weird transition. I didn’t realize the transition going out would be as hard.”
Even during normal, everyday moments, Gemma’s absence could be overwhelming.
The times she would talk to her were now filled with silence.
Leaving the TV on when she had to leave didn’t matter anymore.
She didn’t have to make note of where Gemma was before she walked out the door… She could just leave.
Coming home and not having someone waiting at the door upon her arrival felt strange.
But one of the things she found to be the most interesting was that many pet owners seemed to bury this grief.
While talking about Gemma made her feel sad, it also helped her remember all the great memories they built together over 14 years, and that’s not something she wanted to shy away from.
And that’s exactly why she continues doing so, whether it’s with family, friends, or fellow pet lovers online.
How Gemma’s impact carries on
“The value of rest and just being still has been super impactful for me because I was not that person… At some point, I realized I've got to chill. I’m missing out on stuff.
I think that was probably the best thing she taught me. Slow down, enjoy life, chill out. I don't have to be doing something every minute of the day.”
Just a few weeks before Gemma passed, Ashley had decided to document her life with TikTok videos.
She had heard people love watching videos of pets and she had what seemed like millions of Gemma to choose from.
Without Gemma, Ashley decided she’d keep the account going. It would become a way to remember all the sweet, silly, and spicy moments Gemma filled her life with while also sharing them with others.
Through these videos, Ashley also gets a constant reminder of the impact Gemma left on her life.
Especially as she got older, Gemma’s presence encouraged her to slow down and really savor the moments life gives us.
And being present with her best friend, Ashley was able to fully enjoy that.
Gemma gave Ashley a sense of what it meant to be loved unconditionally. Regardless of what was going on that day, she was always there to give affection and snuggles.
Now, even with her absence, Ashley will find she still takes time for herself, just as Gemma inspired her to do.
That might look like setting a timer and just being in stillness, observing the world outside the window instead of scrolling on the phone.
And in those moments, it’s almost as if she can still feel Gemma’s soft purr against her lap.
When your pet is your best friend, you’ll do anything to make sure they truly feel seen when they’re with you.
But if you had to step away for a few days, would someone know exactly what to do to keep them happy and safe?
If something happened, could someone confidently step in and take your place?
Putting a Cotl plan in place ensures your pet is taken care of, just the way they’re used to, no matter what.
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