“What I’m really doing by letting these families have a different experience is, I’m giving them healing from the moment of death… They’re able to find comfort and not look back with regret or look back at the passing with fear.”

No one wants to say goodbye to their best friend. But unfortunately, there comes a time in pet parenthood when we’re faced with the difficult decision of letting them go.

Instead of their final moments being filled with fear, uncertainty, and stress, they can actually be calm and peaceful.

And it’s from a place of personal loss and healing that Dr. Benson DVM, founder of Paws into Grace, created a new way to let pets and their parents experience a beautiful last encounter.

How childhood loss turned into a lifelong mission

“What I admired about her, her strengths, and what I perceived her strengths were… I really tried to incorporate all of that into my core and move toward more intentional living.
What’s your goal? How do you get there? Every decision you make brings you closer to what you want your life to be… And I learned that at a really young age.”

At just 11 years old, Dr. Benson lost her mother.

Even though she was just a child, she holds vivid memories and realizations that came to her throughout the period of her life that followed.

Feeling a lack of emotional support and guidance from other adults in her life, she had to tell herself to look for the good.

“I remember making the conscious decision to focus on who she was. What did I admire in her? What were her traits? And how can I dedicate my life to honor her, so that her life had meaning?

I realized that the qualities that were really important to her were dedicating yourself to something, and follow-through.”

Ultimately, she carried this lesson with her into adulthood, and the act of dedication that her mother so strongly valued was exactly what led her to become a veterinarian.

The thing vets get wrong is what she made right

“The industry as a whole is doing it wrong. Really, we should take it back home and give pets a different experience… I remember the first couple home appointments left me in complete shock at what a contrast it was…”

Working in the ER at a busy vet hospital, Dr. Benson was faced with illness and trauma on a regular basis, much of which ultimately led to having to put pets down.

In this setting, the pets were always scared, the owners didn’t have privacy to grieve, and it felt so contrary to what she felt death should be.

This is exactly what led her to create a better way–A way for pets and their families to experience a “beautiful goodbye.”

“The pets were relaxed and the families had that privacy, where they could turn the experience into what they needed it to be for their own healing and for saying goodbye.”

Whether they provided emotional support, the last connection to a loved one since passed, or served as a best friend through the toughest times…

Our pets hold such important meaning in our lives and show us conditional love no matter what.

They deserve peace and dignity during their last moments.

And by offering a more gradual experience, it becomes centered around providing comfort for the pet who gave us so much.

Their last moments: The big difference between the vet and home

“It's not the right place for a pet to be in their last moments, because you're just triggering cortisol, and stress, and fear, and these are none of the things that we want before they have to pass.”

When it’s time to say goodbye, the common practice has always been to bring our pets to the vet.

But the vet can be a scary place for a lot of pets.

A lot of cats are very smell-driven, so the smell of alcohol, other dogs and cats, and people already heightens their stress.

For dogs who may not be feeling their best, the other pets in the lobby may make them uncomfortable and want to lash out.

Overall, the experience is filled with commotion, unfamiliar faces, and nervousness.

At home, on the other hand, none of that happens.

Our pets are most relaxed in the home, surrounded by their humans that love them.

Some may make a day of it, taking their pet to a favorite beach or park, visiting friends, and indulging in forbidden foods for just this one time.

“It's a more positive, comforting experience. In their own home, they can dictate what they want that experience to be. Who they want to be there.

They might play music, read poems, play guitar… People have gatherings where every person that loves that pet is there.”

The fact that the pet parent can have a little control in a situation that is ultimately out of their control can be empowering too.

With a clear understanding of the process and expectations in place, they can be fully present for their pet.

Creating a more positive experience with death

“We help set these kids up for resiliency and for a more emotionally healthy death experience. For a lot of them, it is the first experience they have with death. Then they can take this with them and have better tools as they go through death with family members.”

During these last moments, there’s often so much going on that we don’t always think about how this is going to affect us, or our kiddos, later on.

Death can be a taboo topic for a lot of families, but when they have the tools and resources to help them navigate it together, it becomes less scary.

Dr. Benson and her team have been intentional about guiding these kinds of conversations with various resources rooted in psychology and development…

Giving suggestions for healthy conversations and certain phrases to avoid, with the understanding that the adults may not have the emotional capacity to do this on their own at the time.

“How do we raise children that are resilient and that can talk about death and acknowledge that this is a normal part of life, so that when they experience it with another family member, they aren't just completely stunted…

Because, you know, Fluffy just went to the vet and never came back, and we're never going talk about it again.”

Providing more comfort during the golden years

“Age isn't a disease. Just because they're getting old doesn't mean that they shouldn't be able to walk anymore, or struggle with pain.”

As a vet, Dr. Benson unfortunately saw many situations in which a pet’s health could have been addressed and improved long before it was time to put them down.

Yes, they may slow down and we may see changes in their appetite or preferences, but that doesn’t mean their time is running out just yet.

And according to Dr. Benson, there’s a handful of things we can do to stay on top of their physical and emotional health to make sure they’re feeling their best well into their last years:

🐾 Try to get a blood panel at least once a year to identify treatable diseases and/or find disease early

🐾 Talk to your vet about pain management options for things like arthritis or achy joints

🐾 Get them outside more frequently to sniff and explore for short periods of time

🐾 Put them in a wagon when you go outside to get the mail or go run a quick errand

🐾 Raise their water and food bowls to make eating and drinking more easeful

🐾 Get them a supportive bed, cooling mat, and other surfaces to make them more comfy

🐾 Add traction to slick surfaces to help them feel more stable

Preparing for your final moments together

When you know the time is near, there’s a handful of things you can do to make sure your pet feels supported and comfortable as they pass.

“First, think about what you want the experience to be, and then vetting the companies around you. Look at reviews and have a list of questions so you get answers on things that are important to you.”

✅How long have you been performing this?

✅What does an ideal appointment look like for you?

✅What does this process look like for you?

✅What cremation or aftercare company do you use?

✅Is there a tracking system for the cremation?

✅Who's transporting my pet?

✅What is the process? Do you use a two-step process with sedation or a pain injection first?

✅Do I have time to say goodbye afterwards?

Unfortunately, like any industry, there will be some providers that operate simply with costs in mind, and their process may not align with your values or wishes.

Some businesses, like Paws into Grace, have a cremation facility of their own so the entire process is in their hands.

But for others who partner with outside services, it’s important to understand exactly what’s going to happen after.

(This article digs more into pet cremation and how to know if you’re working with a trustworthy provider.)

There’s a lot of factors involved and it can be overwhelming to think about, but make sure you're asking these questions ahead of time so you know what to expect and aren’t met with surprises.

“It's a scary topic, but I think the knowledge and understanding is what removes a lot of the scariness. There are different techniques and preferences for each company, and each veterinarian. So, make sure that your preferences align with those ahead of time, before they're in your home.”

Putting them first, no matter what

When you love your pet so unconditionally, you want to make sure they live their best lives until their last moments.

But what if something happens to you first?

Putting a Cotl plan in place ensures your pet is taken care of, just the way they’re used to, no matter what happens to you.

😔 What’s The Best Way To Let Your Pet Go?